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Horror Club: Hatchet II

"Come on, you hatchet faced fuck!"

A while back, we took a look at the original Hatchet film featuring Kane Hodder as the beastly Victor Crowley - a badly disfigured madman who would go on to terrorize anybody who dares enter his swamp. Blown away not only by Hodder's performance as a psycho that wasn't Jason Voorhees but by the over-the-top, downright absurd kills from the first film, I knew I needed to see the sequel, Hatchet II, as soon as possible. The film may not have been released until 2010 - four years after the original film - but the sequel picks up right where the original left off. Written and directed by Adam Green, the film follows Marybeth again as she decides she wants to head back into the Crowley's swamp. Now knowing that her father and brother are dead, she wants to go back in and retrieve their bodies so that she may properly lay them to rest; and if she gets the chance to kill Victor Crowley once and for all, well that would just be a swell bonus.

As Marybeth meets with Reverend Zombie to get a group together to hunt down her family, she is taught a lesson as to just why Crowley may have wanted the head of her father (as well as hers and her brothers). You see, Marybeth is the daughter of one of the boys who was responsible for setting fire to the Crowley household when Victor was just a child, which if you know the legend of Victor Crowley, you'd know led to his demise by the hatchet of his father. As you could imagine, Crowley is surely disgusted by the thought of anyone who shares the bloodline of the boys from that fateful day has entered his swamp; his home. With that being said, can I really blame the guy for what's about to go down? Nah, not really, haha. Regardless of learning the truth, Marybeth insists on going into the swamp anyway with a team put together by Revered Zombie and as you could imagine, all fucking hell breaks loose. As the group splits up into smaller pairs, Crowley's reign over the swamp prevails as the ground of the swamp is painted in blood. Victor Crowley goes on to deliver some of his most devastating and blood-filled deaths to date; it's a goddamn gore-fest, and it's goddamn brilliant.

From beating a guy to a fucking pulp with a hatchet handle and pulling a dude by his intestines to beheading a poor dude during sex and shoving a dudes face into a boat propeller, blood and guts is certainly bountiful in Hatchet II. Which is perfect, because that's what made the original film so good: it's a relentless, over-the-top nod to the classic slasher films from the '80s that we all grew up loving. Add in a gigantic lunatic, a very likable and cute main character, a good amount of boobs and even more gore, gore, gore, and you've got the recipe for success. Adam Green, Kane Hodder, Danielle Harris and the team behind Hatchet II somehow managed to top their previous gorefest from 2006. It doesn't take long after starting the film that you see all the notorious kills that Crowley delivers, and the unique, mind-blowing deaths honestly just get better and better with each victim. I feel like with both of these reviews I've overused the phrase "over-the-top" but that's exactly what these deaths are: in any other film, it seems like they would just have the victim fall by the blade of a weapon and that's it. But in the case of Hatchet, you get epicness as the poor dude is pulled by his intestines until he is at the feet of the beast himself, who then uses the intestines to not only choke out the victim, but to burst his fucking head right off his body. That's how over-the-top it is; and I love every fucking second of it, I can't get enough of it. Adam Green is doing slasher films right; further proof that he is not only a writer and directer, but a fan of the genre. And if you're not a fan of the genre, you have no business writing and directing a film like this to begin with. Hats off to Green for delivering, once again, one of the most insane, instant classic films of the last few decades.

If you couldn't tell by now, the Hatchet franchise is quickly becoming one of my favorites of all time. There's tons of movies out there now where killers hunt for victims, but none even come close to comparison against the one and only Victor Crowley. From his backstory to his hunt, there's not a damn thing not to love about the dude. He was dealt a terrible fucking fate by the hands of some punk ass kids - and as far as I'm concerned, the guy has every right to destroy those who now try and fuck with 'em! All the characters that make up the group hunting Crowley have really fun stories and personalities, but ultimately I find myself cheering Crowley on as he destroys them; one by one, bit by bit. Hatchet II is an undeniable masterpiece of slasher greatness, and you'd be a fool to skip this one. Loved every single second of it!


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