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Pickaxe (2019)

November 10, 2019

 

Every great horror movie has a few common elements that all come together tin just the right away; blood, guts, and ghouls to name a few... oh yeah, and beautiful boobs! Coming across the trailer for PICKAXE, it was pretty clear that the film was going to be a pretty wicked slasher flick, but the trailer these guys put together for their movie barely even touches the surface of how over the top this bloodfest is, and just how many amazing sets of boobs you're in for upon pressing play - it's totally awesome. If you were looking for an obvious nod to the great classic slasher films of the '80s we've come to love, look no further than PICKAXE, written and directed by Jeremy Sumrall. If you're familiar with the Hatchet series of films, think of Pickaxe as it's younger brother with a little less of a backstory but a whole lot of babes to make up for it! The kills, thrills, and laughs Pickaxe will send you through make for an entertaining hour and a half that's well worth your time, and while it may not be something you haven't seen a dozen times before, that's not to say it's not good, cause this shits good! You know we love cheese here at Soulless, and Pickaxe packs a mean punch of cheese when it comes to its obnoxious shit-talking characters and enough blood spray to satisfy our gore needs! It's the best 1985 movie you'll get in 2019, so if you're looking for something a little more light-hearted and fun this week, consider adding Pickaxe to your queue!

 

Originally titled The Pick-Axe Murders Part III: The Final Chapter, it was set to be a "threequel" to a film that never existed - and if that alone doesn't make you giggle, maybe this one's just not for you! Regardless, it looks like they ended up changing the name to just Pickaxe, but it doesn't change how fun this flick is. In the summer of '82, ten campers were slaughtered at Camp Arapaho and the act was blamed on Alex Black, a man who many believed was the actual son of Satan. A woman named Adrienne (Tiffany Shepis) took Black down before being confined to an institution after the massacre. Years later, another massacre occurred at the institution where Adrienne was at, and along with a partner she was able to take down Black before they buried his ass. But now, two idiots hunted down his amulet and raised him from the dead, and now he's out for more blood than ever before. And he does it all while wielding... you guessed it, a pickaxe! It's a battle for their lives as they try to take down the intimidating and terrifying ALEX BLACK.

 

Viewers are either going to love Pickaxe, or they're going to hate it - I don't think there's much of an in between. I think you'll either love it for how clever and fun it is, along with the throwback elements to the classic '80s slashers, or it's just not going to click for you and you'll be bored in the first twenty minutes. If you're anything like me, though, you'll appreciate the cheesy acting, the truly over-the-top kill scenes, the obnoxious blood splatter that comes with each kill, the high schooler jokes, and of course, some great sets of tits. It feels like the film was less about Alex Black and more about the group of kids going to the Sacrilegious Desecration concert and their journey along the way (which happens to have them crossing paths with the resurrection of a madman). If you go into the film knowing this, you'll be sure to love it! But if you're going into the movie hoping to see an hour and a half of kills, you'll find yourself highly disappointed: while Pickaxe kicks off with a fucking sweet opening kill, it's not really until later on in the film that the kills begin to ramp up again. Like many middle aged women say, it's about the journey, not the destination (ugh).

 

Knowing that the film is a comedic ode to slashers of the past, it's hard to judge a few things like acting in the film, but who cares; if its funny and entertaining, it's fine by me. Like I mentioned, I love cheese so it takes quite a bit for me to be appalled by something like cheesy acting in a film like this. The biggest thing I can say is to just know what you're going into and have fun with it. The case of Pickaxe clearly had fun creating this sexy, shit-talking bloodfest, and it shows clear as day. The only thing I would have liked to be added into the film was maybe a little more of a backstory for Alex Black, but it's not even a big deal that there's not this huge backstory. The design of the dude himself is pretty fucking terrifying and harrowing, but the movie doesn't really touch base on much of a story behind the axe. It hardly hurts the film, though - so don't worry about that.

 

Pickaxe has to get two thumbs up from me for bringing together boobs and blood yet again, and doing it in a way that had me chuckling and even shaking my head throughout. It's far from a serious film, and sometimes after watching some more serious movies, you need a flick like Pickaxe to just be a good, unclean fun time - and that's where this movie shines. Rent it, buy it, whatever - get your hands on this one for a good fucking time.

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