It's here! It's finally here! Verotika - the film written and directed by Glenn Danzig of the Misfits, and based off his Verotik comic book - has finally been released upon the masses after what feels like an eternal wait. Danzig has been working on the Verotik comic books since 1994 when he founded the company, and a film adaptation of his comics has long been requested by fans of the publications. Verotik is an adult comic book which features two of our favorite things: blood and sex. There's no shortage of violence and nudity in the books, and so when you're adapting it for a film, you obviously have to include the plethora of boobs, butts and blood on screen. Verotika - the clever blending of violence and erotica - more than delivers on both fronts, which plenty of blood spilling out of bodies and boobs spilling out of bras. The film has been premiered a handful of times at various events - including a few of The Original Misfits reunion shows last year - and Misfits fans (like myself) have all had overwhelmingly positive reviews of the production, saying Danzig outdid himself and this thing is a game changer. I've been dying to finally get a chance to check this out for myself and finally the time has come: Verotika has arrived on video-on-demand services as well as a Bluray, DVD and soundtrack bundle available on Amazon. I've been so eager to see what all the hype was about surrounding this film, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it; and while it's clever and makes for a good one-time watch, Verotika unfortunately feels like it falls short of being the cult classic masterpiece it's being touted as. If my buddies and I had some good smoke or a few drinks going into Verotika, I'm sure we'd be all about it, but without any mind altering substances in our systems, Verotika is just another fun and cheesy yet bloody and grim film to add to the list. For a movie I had such high hopes for, it honestly just didn't hit the high standard everyone set it at. I'm not saying the film is dogshit, cause it's not a bad movie by any means, it's just not something I see myself going back to for a rewatch anytime soon. Let's just say I'm kinda glad I only spent the $4 to rent the film and not the $20 for the physical bundle that I was planning on grabbing.

Verotika is an anthology of three shorts all based off storylines from the comics, with no relation to each other as far as I could tell. There was no overall storyline linking all of the plots together, all you had was an Elvira-inspired host named Morella (played by adult actress Kayden Kross) who actually had some pretty cool transition scenes in between shorts. There's zero backstory as to who Morella is or where she came from, all you get is her fairl bloody transitions with some sweet boob action. Without giving too much away about each short, the three shorts are all of a decent length, the same quality throughout (which is a plus, I've seen a handful of anthologies where the shorts were all shot at different qualities and it was just weird as they transitioned), and share the same themes of boobs, butts and blood.

First up is The Albino Spider of Dajette; Dajette (played by Ashley Wisdom) being a model whose breasts have eyes in place of areolas. Her boob eye cries on an albino spider and it grows to be man-sized and as she sleeps, he goes out on the town and snaps the necks of prostitutes. It's probably my least favorite of the three stories; I'm not sure if its the shitty dialogue or the terrible accents, but I just didn't take a liking to Dajette or the Albino Spider (played by Scotch Hopkins) really. The eyed tits were pretty cool, and the women were all stunning, but that feels like all the first segment really had going for it. Thankfully, the following segments were more my style. Change of Face follows: another Elvira-looking beauty catches a redhead in an alley and tells her she's going to cut her face off. And then she does. And then she goes around cutting the faces off other women. Turns out, she's a stripper performing under the name The Mystery Girl (played by Rachel Alig) and she's a mystery because her face is always hidden. But underneath the cloth hiding her face, is a woman wearing another woman's face! When the real face mask comes off, we're greeted with a woman with scars on her own face, so I guess she's Leatherfacing the fuck up around town so she can hide behind the faces of other women. There's a ton of slow stripping scenes in this segment, from girls that have nothing at all to do with the actual story; not that it's a bad thing, the chicks are beautiful but it definitely feels a little bit drawn out. Then again... isn't that what a lot of classic Italian horror films are: drawn out? Maybe it was intentional, maybe not. Either way, this one was a vast improvement over the spider story and was actually a good watch. Oh, and it also has "Eyes Ripping Fire" by Danzig as a song to strip to in it, so that's pretty tight.

The third and final short was my favorite: Drukija Contessa of Blood. Drukija is played by Alice Tate, and she's essentially a countess who goes around kidnapping or buying young virgin girls and then cutting them open and bathing in their blood. Think the Fountain of Youth scene in Hostel 2. Drukija - with the help of her sidekick Sheska (Natalia Borowsky) - bathes, spreads, and even licks the blood of the virgin girls, hoping it would deliver her with a young, beautiful body and skin forever. That's it, that's all there is to it. The segment is about a half hour of this chick just bathing in the blood of virgins so she can stay hot. While some may say it's just bad, I think this one was actually so bad it was good. The bathing and consuming scenes are very sensual and sexual in their deliverance, and it's seriously oddly erotic. So I guess Danzig kinda nailed it right on the head with this one. Again, slow moving and not a whole lot of meat to it (well, story wise at least; there's plenty of meat on screen!) but the ending is pretty wicked and the scenes get suspiciously hot, so it's got that going for it at least.

To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure what the hell I was going into with Verotika. I knew there would be blood, I knew there would be plenty of ass, but audiences who have seen it at screenings made this out to be a delightful cult masterpiece. And as much as I love Danzig, Verotika just wasn't it for me. I can appreciate a badly done movie and having it be so bad it's good, and there's definitely some redeeming scenes throughout the segments that make the overall product not suck, but I definitely feel like I'd have to be fucked up next time I watch this one. The kills and gore were all great, the actress who had no problem showing their bodies were amazing, and even the special effects weren't dreadful. But I'm sad to say I'm just a little bummed with the finished, very hyped up product that is Verotika. But at the very least, I got the sweet image of Dajette's beautiful breasts with eyes to fall asleep to, so that's cool too. Honestly, check it out - just don't expect much.