No Such Thing As Monsters


After stumbling upon the trailer for the new-to-streaming film No Such Thing As Monsters, it instantly pushed its way towards the top of my watch list. I've always been a total sucker for a good psychopathic movie, because honestly, what's better than a bunch of serial killing psychopaths? Judging by the trailer alone, it looks like No Such Thing As Monsters is promising and will deliver on its own unique brand of twisted - and I'm happy to report I finally got a chance to check it out and it definitely satisfied the itch I had for a psycho horror. While the movie isn't exactly inventing anything we haven't seen before or breaking new ground with its story, it is definitely a fucked up movie and if that's what you find yourself in the mood for this weekend, No Such Thing As Monsters will pack a pretty mean punch. The film was directed by Stuart Stanton who co-wrote it alongside Karen Elgar, and it takes us deep into the bush in Australia where a young couple is seeking out a nice weekend away and find themselves in the hands of some wicked weirdos. The movie is a really get mix of The Texas Chain Massacre and I Spit On Your Grave, just without all of the blood and guts. There's scenes that will make you wince and feel uncomfortable, and it will leave this really awkward aftertaste as you move into the next scene, and I think that's a big part of what I enjoyed about the movie. I've always appreciated movies that take you out of the norm and out of people's comfort zones and putting them into these really uncomfortable boxes that are hard to shake, even after the film ends. And while No Such Thing As Monsters may not have the intense impact that I Spit On Your Grave may have had with me, it's still a beast of a film with some truly twisted psychopaths and a cute, loving couple you really just want to see make it out alive and in one piece!


Mary (Angel Giuffria) and her boyfriend David (Matthew Clarke) are the young couple in the film, and David comes up with this great idea for the two of them to hop in a caravan and drive out into the middle of the woods in Australia for the weekend. Initially, Mary is hesitant because she suffers from severe anxiety but he eventually convinces her to go, and out in the bush they go. Just when they think they have their area of the woods to themselves, another caravan pulls up and out comes three sisters and their brother. The two parties get acquainted and even share some drinks and scary stories over a campfire before heading to bed. When Mary wakes up in the morning, she awakes to a living hell: her boyfriend is missing and she gets abducted by the psychopaths they met the night before. What follows is not days, not weeks, but months of mind games, torture, harassment and pure filth as siblings (with different dads) Nelly (Michaela Pascoe), Becca (Rebecca Fortuna) and Elmer (Jacob Fyfe) pretty much torture the fuck out of Mary and rape her boyfriend, all the while their more timid sister Amy (Georgia Crisfield Smith) tries to retain at least some sort of innocence. Will Mary and David eventually break free from the sick, perverted minds of their captors, or will they become playthings of the nutjobs until they breathe their last breath?! Find out in... NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!


Story aside, first thing you'll likely notice about this movie is how gorgeous it is; the film has some really beautifully shot scenes and its pretty consistent throughout. It's a very "nice" film to look at while chaos unfolds all around it for poor Mary and David. And while Mary and David aren't the most memorable horror characters, I think it's pretty safe to say you'll find yourself rooting for them because they really are such likable people and such a cute couple. You really do want to see Mary break the chains around her (quite literally, she's chained up) and slaughter her captors in a retaliation rage. The scenes where her anxiety has her sick can actually get pretty harsh to watch, but that's only the tip of the iceberg of crazy shit that goes down in the second half of the film. Again, it's nothing that will blow your mind or fuck up your day, but it's appropriate twists and turns for this movie, and that's all that matters. The people you'll be introduced to are the heart of the film - not blood, not gore - and what makes it a good watch. While it may not be on my re-watch list anytime soon, I really do believe this films worth your time for at least one watch if you're into movies that deal with true psychos. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the dark path this film takes and - like I said before - the characters who really make the journey worth it. Check it out!!




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