Stay Out of the Fucking Attic


There's a few core lessons to be learn from the horror genre that we, as viewers, have learned time and time again through cinema. Avoid having sex at summer camp, never read from a book you find in a cabin in the woods, don't mess with creepy toys and arguably one of the most important lessons is to stay out of attics and basements. Following these simple rules can help you stay alive and in one piece, but could the same be said for the characters in STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING ATTIC? As part of our duty to you, we had to find out both what was in the attic and does our lovely cast survive the night in the house they're in - and what we found was of sickening delight! The film was directed by Jerren Lauder and has recently hit video on demand services - and after seeing the trailer I had to find out for myself how sinister the attic really is. To sum it up, if insane nazi doctors are your niche in the horror genre, you're honestly going to love this one - and even if it's not, I'm pretty sure you will, at the very least, enjoy the experiments the doctor has living with him... in the attic. This film feels like it pays an odd tribute to some of the great 80s horror gore-cheese and honestly, I ate that shit right up! And while the story and acting aren't anything out of the ordinary or groundbreaking, they are both far from bad and make for a fun night of flesh, blood, and crazy fucking nazi scum. Films like this one admittedly might not be for everyone but I'd say it's worth the rental if you've got a few extra bucks to spare! If the story doesn't do it for you, the cheesy gore absolutely will! And for fucks sake people... stay out of the fucking attic!


Albert Schillinger (Ryan Francis) is an ex convict who started a packing-and-moving company after his release to get his life back on track. As part of his mission, he hires other ex-convicts as employees to give them a second chance at life - which is how his team of Imani (Morgan Alexandria) and Carlos (Bryce Fernelius) came together. They show up at an old home and are greeted by the owner - an old man with a thick German accent - who pays the trio four times their rate to pull an all nighter and to get all of the contents of the house out by sunrise. Well, not all the contents: the old man insists the movers stay out of both the attic and the basement - that he will be taking care of those two floors. The team gets to work and as they begin packing the items, they begin to piece together a weird scene consisting of lots of nazi memorabilia, books, photos, and even the teeth of children! It isn't long after that the movers break the rules and descend into the attic... and find out the old man's dark secret: he's a mad nazi scientist and he's doing immortal experiments on children! Now it is upto the team to get the hell out of the house... to save both themselves and the children living in the shadows of the home. Will they survive or will they fall victim to the insane fucking nazi doctor?! What other dark secrets will come to light before sunrise?! Find out in... STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING BASEMENT!


The build-up to the action takes a little bit of time, but along the way there's definitely plenty to take in. The film throws some really subtle hints and horrors at you, like some letters the movers find while packing or the occasional arm reaching out of the dark - just enough to keep you waiting for the big reveal you're waiting for. And the horrors that await the viewer are pretty unsettling and awesome - enough to justify the rental just for that! Without giving too much away, at least one of the human experiments that the mad doctor - played by Michael Flynn - performed in the film is based off of a real life story from our world's ugly past. Bringing that horror to life on film makes it even more unsettling if you know the story behind it, and it adds a layer of depth to the flick that you probably would not have expected at all. But before I give any wrong impressions, let me say that the tone of the film isn't as serious as I may be making it sound. A lot of the interaction between the movers is lighthearted and silly, and even some of their interactions with the fucked up doctor is entertaining - so the film isn't exactly a "doom and gloom" film, just subtly darker than you might not know. But like I said, the horrors that await the movers in both the attic and the basement are ones that will haunt them for forever.


Is the film over-the-top cheesy? No, it really isn't - but it's gory cheesy when it feels it could be, for sure. Maybe not Night of the Demons gore-cheese, but some of the gore definitely feels over the top and I loved it that way. I'm really trying not to spoil too much of the fun, but there's some light body horror elements that make for a fun time, absolutely! And while some of the lines the characters spew out in a serious situation feel so out of place, it doesn't significantly ruin or impact any scenes... it's really just some weird things to say when you're in a life-or-death situation. Besides that, the chemistry between the characters is fun, but I'll be honest... I'm not entirely sure I was rooting for them the whole time, but that was more so because I wanted to see what this sick fuck Human Centipede-esque doctor has up his sleeve in terms of torture and experimentation. The film even has a few small twists to it - nothing you wouldn't have seen coming, but twists nonetheless. Honestly, for a film like this the storytelling and execution felt pretty great, and everything unfolds the way it feels it should, which is good! It makes for a fun, entertaining, and evil watch! If films like this - in which unsuspecting characters fall into the hands of evil scientists who have no regard for human life - are your thing, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with Stay Out of the Fucking Attic. There's some things more evil than ghouls and goblins, and oftentimes they live right in our neighborhoods. Check it out!!!




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